It’s been two months since I had to do one of the most difficult things in my entire life…when I had to say goodbye to my dad. It’s been two long months. Some days it still seems like yesterday while other times it feels like an extreme amount of time has passed, due to everything that has occurred from then until now. It’s all still just a bit surreal.
I had hoped to be on a better schedule by now, both with my writing and with my blogging, and as much as writing could possibly “take me away” from all this, my focus just hasn’t returned and my mental energy is not yet there. I’m still journaling but that’s for myself, as I try to make sense of what has happened. I want to get back into writing. I need to move forward with my writing goals. But there are a number of reasons I haven’t been granted some of the closure I need to get myself back into writing as much as I should.
I’m sure some of you know exactly what I’m going through. But maybe you don’t, as I haven’t been able to completely express exactly what has happened. Losing our parents is what we expect to happen in the normal course of life, just maybe not as soon as we sometimes do. When my father-in-law passed away, it was due to a long battle with multiple types of cancers over the course of a number of years until the last cancer was just unbeatable. Losing a parent to illness is very difficult but in retrospect, the illness helped the family prepare for the inevitable, albeit very difficult, outcome.
Losing my dad the way we did was extremely difficult. None of us were prepared for what happened. The accident was not only unexpected and violent, but it was also due to the criminal negligence of another. I won’t go into detail about exactly what happened, but for those who understand the legal system, you can appreciate why there may be a number of reasons closure, or at least an attempt at moving towards closure, is not quite within my grasp.
It pains me to write this way. It pains me to have to share such a depressing update. And it pains me even more that I haven’t been able to move forward with my writing the way I need to, as it would likely be very therapeutic for me. But when I started this blog, just a little over three years ago, it was to share my writing journey. My dad’s death isn’t something I really wish to share, but when it comes to how it has affected my ability to write, that is unmistakably affecting my journey as a writer.
I’ve shared my thoughts on pursuing my dream, doing what I’m passionate about, fighting the fears I face, persevering against the odds, and jumping the hurdles involved with the daily grind as I try to map out my future as an author. I’ve had my own little bits of “writer’s block” but I’ve never really believed in the concept as a whole. Writer’s block is nothing more than where your mindset is at the time you need to write. For the most part, any lapses I’ve had in writing were usually due to being too busy in other areas of my life and the oftentimes difficult task of time management. I don’t believe my imagination has ever stopped thinking up new stories or the characters I love to create.