Straightening out the carpet…one wrinkle at a time.

It’s been just over a month since the world as I knew it changed in a way no one can ever be prepared for.  It’s strange to say that it’s only been a month; sometimes it seems just like yesterday while other times I feel as if a much longer period of time has passed. 

Many might wonder how I’ve been doing and, admittedly, I won’t blame them because I’ve not made myself very accessible except to my most immediate family and to only very few friends.  The loss I’ve experienced has been very difficult to deal with and I’ve only been able to manage being around those who share my grief and might understand what I’m going through.   

It’s not my intention to completely expose my feelings too much here, except to say I’m doing “okay.”  That is the answer usually provided to the question I hear very often…“How are you doing?”  While usually just a casual question anyone can answer with a stock answer, that seemingly harmless question only makes me think about why I wouldn’t be “okay.”  In all honesty, I truly look forward to the day when that harmless question won’t make me wonder whether my stock answer might actually be a lie.

Whether I’m doing okay or not, I made a decision last weekend to do what I can to get my butt in the chair and get back to writing.  I won’t lie…it’s been difficult.  I had hoped to be more on track with my writing by now but it has not been easy due to a new experience I’ve been dealing with – the inability to remain focused for very long.  Distractions too easily deter me from my intended tasks.  It’s something that I understand is expected considering what I’m dealing with emotionally but as a writer, I am frustrated that I’m not meeting  the goals I’ve set for myself.   

One day at a time.  Take baby steps.  Live in the moment.  Make the most of every day.  Or, as my title indicates, I will straighten the carpet that turned my life upside-down by smoothing one wrinkle at a time.  It’s a big carpet, so it may take a little while. 

Until then, I’ll work on my books, one chapter at a time as I can, and I will continue to post updates here and on my Facebook page, as the mood strikes me.  Eventually, I know I’ll get back on track.  Eventually, I’ll have the pleasure of announcing exciting news about a book event, or my latest short story, or my next two novels.  I don’t know how much longer it will take before I can move on, full steam ahead, but when I do…my plan is to be a force to be reckoned with.  

How to continue "as-is" when the carpet is yanked out from under you.

I posted my last post for 2014 on December 28th, sharing what I had accomplished and how I had plans and ideas for what I expected to achieve during 2015. But what I did not know was that my world would turn completely upside down the following day.

In other, more truthful words, my world fell apart and will never be the same again.

On Monday, December 29th, I received a phone call mid-morning that no one ever wishes to receive...there had been an accident.  It was my Dad.  He was terribly hurt and in the one hospital in our state that leaves you with the fear that the injuries are life-threatening but also some comfort that if any doctor can make your loved one better, it will be someone there.

That first day is now pretty much a blur.  The second was about the same, as was the third, while we all clung on to every little bit of hope that a miracle would occur.

Four days later, just after the passing of the first full day of our New Year, my dad passed away.

There are so many thoughts and feelings running through me about what happened - but due to how my Dad's life was taken, I really can't express them here.  Instead, I am posting now just to share why, for a little while, I may not be expressing myself as often on my blog or even on Facebook. My emotions are running a fast-paced course from both ends of the spectrum and everywhere in between and it's really not something I want to express here.  Eventually, I will get back to writing for others and sharing my journey again as I continue to write but for now, I feel the need to take a step back and write for myself for awhile as I attempt to heal from this terrible loss.