R.I.P. Bloggers with Burnout

During each season of writing, writers live two lives; their own and whatever characters they’re writing about at the time.

Life, as we all know, is busy. And when you’re a writer, living your own life while writing about someone else’s, you tend to feel pulled in different directions pretty much all the time.  In addition, there is all that extra work involved with author branding, the business of publishing, and the time you spend marketing what you’ve been able to create. For writers who blog, or are constantly using some form of social media or other means of staying in contact with their readers, everyday life can be very hectic.

I’ve been working on my own book series for four years now…having published the first book in the series, No Mother of Mine, towards the end of 2012. During this time, I’ve almost religiously followed certain authors and bloggers, always looking for help, researching about writing, searching for tips about publishing, soaking up ideas relating to marketing, or just hoping for some extra inspiration and motivation to get me through the week.

But lately what I’ve noticed is that many of my favorite bloggers and authors have tapered off from regular posts, or only write about one thing (their latest book), or they’ve lost steam altogether.

I recently reviewed the list of all the blogs I’ve been following, and I came to the realization that about half of them haven’t posted very often this year, if at all, while others haven’t posted for over a year or more. This really surprised me. I had wondered at the lack of content from some of my favorites, or the lack of variety, but I just had no idea so many had actually dropped off from posting at all. 

My take on this is that some of the authors and bloggers who I had been following gave too much of themselves, at least professionally, if not personally. They were always quick to share their advice, offer a free class, provide helpful tips and tricks of the trade, or whatever it took to keep people like me coming back for more. 

And I will always appreciate them for it. 

But in providing so much to others, my thought is how long were they able to keep up that pace while they lived their own lives and put whatever energy they had left into the next book they hoped to get out there? 

Being a writer isn’t easy – and sometimes living your own life, while writing about your characters’ lives, can be overwhelming, which is definitely something to keep in mind when you’re trying to stay on task. But based on what I’ve discovered with regard to some of the bloggers I’ve been following, it would appear it’s what you do in the middle of those two lives…blogging, other social media, newsletters, offering seminars or online classes…that can actually increase the possibility of burnout.

 

Times change, people move on, and what we need or what others can offer doesn’t always remain the same. What writers have to figure out is when to give, when to hold back to allow some breathing room, and when to move on if necessary. No apologies needed. Regardless of the season they’re in, writers have to find that balance in order to avoid losing the passion that kept them going for so long.

It’s just another lesson learned from those who I have respected for the past few years. While some of my favorite bloggers are no longer with us, or possibly just on a very long break, I appreciate the fact that I’ve gained knowledge that will help me as I continue on my own journey as a writer.

The tools I use as life shifts between busy, bad and beautiful

If you’re on Facebook, you might receive those posts reminding you of something that happened to you a number of years ago. Today, I was informed that I became friends with my aunt seven years ago…on Facebook, that is. In life, we’ve been friends much longer than that.

Lately, what these reminder posts have accomplished is to give me a little shock when I realize how much has happened in the few short years since this or that occurred. If I use this latest FB reminder to go on, the amount of change our family has had to adjust to in only seven years is astounding.  From one end of the spectrum to the other, from incredible highs to extreme lows, all in the middle of what life usually has to offer.       

I’m sure many of you know what I mean.

Whether life is busy, beautiful or bad, I was pretty good at figuring out a way to swim through the muck and get done what I needed to get done. For the most part, anyway – I still had those days and while I’ve always been organized, time management has always been a work in progress. But when I lost my dad early last year, what had usually worked for me became foreign, difficult to stick with, or just outright challenging to even attempt.      

During a recent reflective moment, I reviewed my blog posts for the past few years and I noticed a trend…2013 and 2014 had a good mix of blogs having to do with possibilities, positivity, productivity, characters, the writing process, staying organized, recharging, creative chaos, perseverance, distractions, patience, time management, editing, publishing, writing events and holidays.

My dad passed away on January 2, 2015, and I’m sure most would understand when I say that my process as I managed life became difficult for awhile. Posts for 2015 were less than half the amount than the year before and included the subjects of loss, writer’s block, feelings/fears, characters (when they were speaking to me), productivity, motivation and time management. But the posts related to productivity, motivation and time management were likely more of a pep talk to myself, as I continued to try to stay on task given everything that had happened.

I had to get through a lot of firsts after Dad passed away and when I finally got through the first anniversary of his death, something finally happened. I realized I was continuing to remain stuck in the past and that I needed to get my head back into the present. When a person is able to do that, especially after such a great loss, it’s a truly beautiful thing. 

Since then, my posts for 2016 have included these subjects: a new outlook, staying on track, clearing the clutter, book events, staying focused, characters, and the writing process. Some days, I have a hard time coming up with what I want to share (I’m not immune to difficult days) but today I wanted to share what I’ve been doing to help keep myself focused and on task. 

Most important is writing – 

Good or bad, just getting something down is really important – this quote helps motivate me:

Reading to relax and unwind.  

I’ve always been a reader but I’ve slacked on how many books I can get through in a year, so I’m finding the time to read through the pile of books I constantly keep adding to.

Continuing to learn something new... 

about writing, marketing, blogging, or whatever might help me as an author. Learning from others will also provide me with motivation and inspiration and it helps to learn what works, and what doesn’t, for others who are doing what I do.

Clearing the clutter and reducing the creative chaos.  

I’ve taken on this task in the past, but most recently I have decided my past attempts have only scratched the surface. It’s going to take me awhile to get through every room in the house but so far the amount of items I believe I can do without is amazing. I’m currently using Ruth Soukup’s book, Unstuffed, for ideas.  One of the most rewarding tasks to date was to really clean my desk. Not just dust it. Not just reorganize it. But to go through every drawer, every shelf, every tray and each surface that has become more of a catch-all. Once I was done, I was floored by how much better my desk looked and how less chaotic it felt when I was trying to write or work on other projects. It is unbelievable how much better I feel when I sit at my desk and now I can enjoy creating without all that chaos waiting to curb my enthusiasm.

After

Before

Paying more attention to what will calm my spirit and feed my soul.  

There’s much to be said when it comes to this subject. Being mindful, purposeful and grateful are extremely important and keep me motivated and inspired, and push my thoughts in a positive and productive direction, which will help keep me moving forward rather than looking backward.

Staying healthy – 

It's a hot topic right now and easier said than done when hurdles keep coming up but there are baby steps we can take…drinking plenty of water, getting enough rest, walking if nothing else in order to get ourselves moving rather than sitting all day, learning to eat right or in moderation with what is right for us. Now that I can begin working on my gardens again, I look forward to getting outside and playing in the dirt. Not only is it good when it comes to staying active, it’s great for my mind because I can work out so many character and plot issues when I’m gardening. And of course, we can all benefit from some more Vitamin D.

There’s more that can be added to this list and if you have any ideas, I’d love to hear them. But this is some of what I wanted to share when it comes to what I’ve been doing to stay focused and to move forward with motivation towards goals I wish to achieve. What I hope is that eventually these tools can help me shed the busy, reduce (or better get through) the bad and always enjoy what’s beautiful. 

Until next time; carry on, read on and have a great week!

If I could speak to my teenage self, what would I say?

I took a break from blogging last weekend because it was my birthday – I actually took the whole weekend off so that I could spend a day down in Portland, a lot of time with family and the rest of the time I just did whatever I felt like doing. I even decided to remain completely unplugged from everything for three whole days: my computer, e-mail, social media…everything.

Sometimes you just have to do that – unplug to unwind and recharge.

If you’re like me, in the 40-something age bracket, you’ll know what I mean when I say as I get older I tend to let the ages blur together so that sometimes I forget how old I am. It’s not just that I forget; it’s also because I really don’t care as much.  It’s much different than when I was younger and there were so many birthdays that actually meant something: when I was 16 I could drive, at 18 I was a legal adult, at 21 I could legally drink, and when I was 25 I felt as if I was finally old enough for others to begin to take me seriously. Back then, the actual age meant something while now it’s more about how old you feel rather than how old you are.

Or that’s what we tell ourselves anyway. For the most part, I think it’s a pretty good mentality to have as we continue to age. 

My last post before aging yet one more year was about a book club meeting I attended with a wonderful group of women who I gained some much-needed motivation and inspiration from. In that post, I commented about how the book club enjoys digging deeper into the story behind the story. If you’re an avid reader, or you know an author personally, you know it’s difficult to write a story without leaving something of yourself in that story. It’s not always intentional, but whether the author intends to or not, it’s also not easy to prevent it from happening. 

As the book club group and I were discussing my books, one of the last questions asked of me was, if I could give my 14-year-old self some advice, what would it be?

At first, I thought the question was directed more towards what I would say to a teen about what to do to get into writing at such a young age. But, no, this particular book club member was not letting me get by that easy. She specifically wanted to know what I would tell myself, not as a potential writer, but as a teen in the middle of all that my young life had bestowed on me and in preparation for the future.

I answered her question from the heart based on our current conversation, and I stand by my response, but having thought more about it, I would like to elaborate on what I would say to my teen self, and other young adults, as they are attempting to figure out where they fit in this beautiful, but sometimes awful, thing we call life.

And here’s what I would say:

• Learn to trust yourself and who you are as a person - truly believe in yourself and what you’re capable of - always remember you are stronger than you think;
• Learn to listen to your gut instinct – we all have one, we just don’t always listen to it;
• Learn who to trust; keep those in your life who bring out the good in you; limit giving too much of yourself to others who only take from you;
• If someone has hurt you, whether physically, mentally or emotionally, knowingly or possibly unknowingly, or they have betrayed your trust in some way, try to avoid letting that pain and distrust completely define you;
• Don’t take the blame for the actions of others; don’t fall into the trap of wondering what you could have done, what you could do, or what you should do to make someone else change for the better;
• Don’t tell yourself you’re not good enough or that you deserve the difficult times you’re going through;
• As hard as it may be, work on learning to forgive the person, or the circumstances which caused that person to cause you pain, because the sooner you can forgive and move away from that place in your head, the sooner you can learn to trust others as you form new relationships throughout your life;
• If you believe in serendipity (an accidental discovery that is actually fortunate), then you may also believe there are some people who we are meant to meet at some point in our lives - you’ll want to avoid letting your past completely define you, or learn to forgive and let go, so that when you meet someone special who is destined to be in your life, you’ll be open to form a new relationship without the baggage of distrust or self-doubt;   
• Remember that you’ll never make everyone happy, it’s just not possible, and your life should not be about making everyone happy – that is not your purpose; and
• It may take time but try to find your purpose - what are you passionate about…what feeds your soul…what gifts do you have that you were you meant to share? – discover your purpose so that you can enjoy the life you were meant to live and remember to savor each precious moment of the life you’ve been given, for however long it lasts.

Would my teenage self have listened to advice from my older self if ever given this opportunity? I really can’t say. As teens, we tend to have this strange notion that we already know everything. But it sure would be interesting to know how things may have changed had I known then what I know now. Funny enough, we all say that at some point in our lives, don’t we?

So now I’m interested…what would you tell your teenage self if you were ever given the chance? 

Beyond that, would your teenage self have listened to the advice?

Book Clubs = Just what the doctor ordered

I attended a book club meeting yesterday to meet with a terrific group of ladies who are in the process of reading and reviewing the Jorja Matthews mystery series.  It was, by far, the most fun I’ve had as it relates to my writing in a very long time.

And it was much needed medicine for this weary writer.

Sadly, I’m not weary because I’m writing too much…I’m weary due to my continued attempts to do my best to try to write in the middle of all the chaos around me.  And feeling like a failure every time I’m not able to produce as much as I feel, as much as I know, I should be able to.  

When I set out early yesterday morning, I really hadn’t thought much about what to expect.  I knew the group wanted to meet me.  I knew they would have questions about me, the characters and the series.  I also knew I’d have to be careful what I said so as not to let slip any spoiler alerts.  As I drove the hour-long drive to my destination, I listened to music and just let my mind wander.  I do my best not to stress too much before book signings or events.  It helps to reduce my expectations, my fears and hopefully keep me from over thinking altogether. 

When I met the book club members, I felt immediately comfortable in their presence.  I’m not sure exactly how long I spoke to them about myself and the series…an hour, maybe two…it just flew by so fast.  I was pleased by many of their questions, both insightful and deep, and I was surprised by the direction some of the topics took us.  They were also a very entertaining group of women, with good humor and a very thoughtful approach while they enjoyed digging deeper into the story behind the story.

I spent three hours with the book club, speaking with them, signing their books and then chit chatting with a few before finally heading back home.  By the time I left, I can’t deny I was on cloud nine.  But, my euphoria wasn’t completely due to the fact that the club loved the series, my characters, or was happy to finally meet me – although admittedly that part is always fun.  No, my intense mood was mainly due to how this wonderful group of women ignited a spark in me that has been only dimly lit for too long.

And I can’t thank them enough for it.

Bethlehem Baptist Church book club

This just goes to show, or it reminds me, that we have to remember we can’t always do things on our own.  Sometimes you have to put yourself out there, whether you feel ready or not, and in doing so, you let others remind you of why you’re doing what you do.  I don’t write just for myself – I also write for those who enjoy my stories or appreciate what I’m trying to share. 

And now that the spark has been ignited beyond the dimly lit ember, I’m going to do everything I can to keep this fire burning.      

To the wonderful women I met yesterday, who truly bestowed upon me more than I believe I gave to them, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Happy Easter, Happy Sunday, or just Happy Day

Whether you are celebrating the Easter holiday with family or just enjoying the day as any other day, I hope you are enjoying yourself.  I'm doing a little of both, spending time with family with an extra shot of regular chores on the side.  It is Sunday, after all, and tomorrow is the beginning of a new week so there are a few things that must be accomplished today.

One regular task I won't be completing today is to post on my blog - and I guess I am, in a way, but just to say hello and have a good day.

Happy Easter & have a great week!

Bye-bye weeds; time to clean out life’s garden bed

It’s the first day of spring – we say goodbye (hopefully) to winter weather and hello to beautiful blossoms and comfortable t-shirt conditions.  It’s also the time when we may reflect on what changes we may actually want, or need, to make in our own lives.

The first of the year usually causes many to want to make a change for the better; whether it’s to eat well, exercise more, lose weight, simplify material possessions, focus on positive relationships, become more mindful or gain spiritual awareness...a new year usually brings with it the expectation of change.

And it’s usually about this time of year when many will come to realize whether they’ve made good on the changes they hoped would make their lives better.  Have new eating habits made them feel better, has the scale changed dramatically, do they get the urge to walk or exercise because it’s a new habit, have relationships gotten stronger, have they been able to declutter their homes, minds, and life?  Are they more mindful and aware?

We tend to take on more than we can chew, when we decide to make grand plans to change our lives, and that’s usually why we end up making some of the same resolutions over and over again, year after year.  Whether it’s to continue the new habits we’ve formed or whether it’s to review, reflect and make another change in order to get back on track, we learn as we go, stick to what works and give in when it doesn’t.

But what if we don’t want to give in?  What if we really want to make a change and we just can’t quite figure out how to get the results we’re hoping for? 

This is where we have to learn from spring and what this season means.  Spring is a time for renewal, growth, possibilities, and promise.  Our lives are like that of a garden bed – the soil needs to be enriched, the perennials are enduring but still need attention to blossom in the new season and the annuals, while temporary, need special consideration so that their roots can take hold and they can thrive in their new environment. 

But the garden will not provide what we hope for if the weeds are left to take over.  The weeds will take more than they give, they will smother the perennials and they will prevent the annuals from thriving in their new home.  The weeds will remain strong and durable, while the perennials and annuals will wither and die.

The weeds in our lives can come in many forms and like a true garden weed, it can sometimes be difficult to tell a weed from a flower.  The trick is to identify the weeds that are preventing your garden from growing and while we may not be able to pluck every weed, we can at least make some changes so that the weeds do not take control.  When weeds are preventing renewal, growth, possibilities or promise, we need to sincerely look at what changes we can make to set our daily lives on a better, more positive course.   

This sort of change can’t happen overnight but then, spring takes its time settling in and the garden does not grow in a day.  And as with a beautiful garden bed, a change for the better in our lives takes patience, care, nourishment and constant attention to be at its most optimal.  But with time and a commitment to achieve positive growth, our lives will thrive and we will get back what we sow into them. 

Happy spring and happy gardening!

Gimme a break…

When you hear the phrase, gimme a break, it may bring a few things to mind: the memory of an old sitcom, a television commercial about a candy bar, or that instant reaction you have when something just doesn’t go your way.

Or, maybe you just really need a break.

My response to that phrase is mostly the fourth option – you know what I mean? When you feel as if you need a time out - for a whole day or even a whole week - so you can just figure out how to get caught up on everything?

I wrote, recently, about staying focused when it comes to finding a way to reach our goals.  Specifically for me, the goals I’m usually writing about involve…well, writing and my continued journey as a published author. And I also recently wrote about what I did to help myself when it comes to writing so that I can do better about staying on task weekly, monthly and even yearly. But when it comes to other areas in my life: work, home, family, when I can go on vacation again, those too involve goals that require some focus so I don’t get lost in the sea of to-do lists.

But how do we find the time, energy and ability to focus well in all areas and also reach specific goals when it comes to each area?

That is the question of the day.

My focus for the past few months has had to continuously shift from many important areas: the needs of my high school senior who will soon graduate before moving on to college; the needs of a family member who I am assisting as she battles a life-threatening illness; and the demands of a job where hands on deck have been slim and duties far outweigh the available hours in the day. This is in addition to keeping up with a writing schedule, taking care of my family, the house and myself; while making day-to-day decisions we always hope will keep us healthy, wealthy and wise. 

Time management has been an on-going issue ever since I took on a full time job right about the time I also first became a published author, and I will always try to learn new tricks and tips that might offer some benefits. Even going back to some old posts I wrote myself has been helpful…and in reviewing those about time management I came across this one about being productive versus just being busy. Part of that post involved ideas on how to stay on task, including making lists to stay on track. Anyone who knows me knows I love to make lists.  So what I decided to do was to use that idea to begin making lists of the “have to’s” and “want to’s” in my daily life, involving, writing, health, home, and family. Oddly enough, the lists aren’t huge. Some items are obvious and easily managed on a daily basis out of routine while others I could easily accomplish after a little more time in order to form a habit.

However, one list in particular has really grown…and that would be my projects under a “want to” list. 

When I wrote recently about decluttering, I started out with the intention of cleaning each room and removing/getting rid of items I no longer need or want.  But since I started the process, the act has brought on a revelation for me that I’m sure I knew, but just never really saw until I made “the list.” And it was pretty much a ‘gimme a break’ moment. The revelation is that I have so many unfinished projects, with some that began many years ago and I may have kept up with them for quite some time, but I haven’t been able to find the time to stay on course or actually complete them.  Examples include: a scrapbook from our last road trip, organizing photos for the past four years, finishing a quilt out of completed cross stitched patterns, painting a few more ceramic houses to add to my Christmas village, completing a scrapbook for my writing projects and so on, and so on. 

Actually, I could find the time to complete one or two projects, but when there are too many to choose from, it becomes much more difficult to choose wisely from the list while finding time out of the few precious moments of every day. 

This is where my need for a break came in…but taking a day off from life won’t help me shrink that project list without causing me anxiety in other areas of my life, especially since it’ll take more than a day or two. My next task is to narrow down that project list to what I really want to complete, and what I can actually do without completing. Then I’ll pick a project based on its importance, begin from there, and once I finish with one, I’ll move on to the next. Some may take only a day or two while others may take a few weeks since items on my “have to” and other “want to” lists will always come first. 

While this project of putting together a task list to complete these projects wouldn’t be called taking a break, it will eventually give me more time to manage what’s important if I’m able to prioritize tasks, make sense of what’s essential, and recognize what can wait, or what doesn’t need to be done at all.  

The result of this project as a whole should give me the ultimate prize…some extra time to take more breaks and eventually I’ll also be clearing the clutter.  

I hope you also find some extra time to call your own – have a great week!