Exciting news! I’m hearing voices in my head again!

Okay, I don’t mean to come off sounding a little…off, but there’s some truth behind hearing voices when you’re a writer.  At least there is for me.  It’s that part of my imagination I’ve made very good use of over the past few years since before and after I wrote and published my first book.  It’s what happens when I get just a hint of an idea for a character, a plot or just a simple storyline, and the characters or story idea continues to haunt me so that I’m no longer able to ignore it. 

Eventually, the characters or story idea is something I go to sleep thinking about, wake up after dreaming about or just can’t get away from while I lose myself deep in thought during my drive to and from work.  The thoughts become something I amuse myself with, make notes about and eventually begin to write about.

Although I did set aside the month of April to start a new book during Camp NaNo, and I am happy with the results of what I was able to accomplish, the rest of this year has proven to be difficult when it came to writing.  My imagination has been difficult to breach and the voices of my characters have been stubbornly quiet.

Back in March I posted about my inability to create, and I believe now as I did then:  writers block is nothing more than where your mindset is at the time you need to write.  Here’s a paragraph from that post:

This occurrence of writer’s block is much more extreme but again, it is only due to where my mindset is at this moment. It’s obviously going to take more time before I’ll be able to delve deeply into the stories and characters I enjoy so much. There are a few hurdles I need to get past, some more fears I need to face but eventually the huge, ugly wall that’s been blocking my ability to create will finally begin to crumble so that I can toss the pieces aside and move on. There are no odds against me making it through these tough times; it’s going to happen. It’s just a matter of time.    

I did have to get past some additional fears and move through some more difficult times but the time away from writing also allowed me to focus on family and healing.  I may not be completely healed from my grief and we may still have some difficult times ahead as a family, but I’ve noticed something lately… I feel as is the fog I’ve been shrouded in is beginning to clear and I now have the sense of being prodded more often by thoughts about my characters and stories.  Lately it’s to the point that I am regularly thinking about the mystery surrounding my characters and I have new ideas stirring, as well. 

It’s been so long…and I’ve really missed it.  I feel as if I’m welcoming an old friend. 

I don’t know what I have to do to keep my imagination churning or the characters chattering, but I’m going to do my best not to let either slip away or hide again.  I have too much to complete when it comes to writing and time slips away so quickly…I have a hard time believing it’s already the middle of September. 

So where does that leave me with my work in progress?  I’m still going to try to complete my short story – in a perfect world I’d like to have it out by the beginning of November so maybe I can reach my goal if I set a strict deadline.  We shall see.   My new young adult novel is still going to remain a work in progress, one I’ll add to as the muse allows and one I hope to complete and publish later next year.  But it’s the new characters in my fourth Jorja Matthews book that are speaking the loudest so I’m going to spend the rest of my free time working on that book.  Especially since I’ve heard from so many people lately how much they have loved the series (thank you!!) and can’t wait for another.

It may sound strange when I say I’m happy to hear my characters are speaking to me again, but for those who enjoy my stories, I believe you’re probably happy to hear this news as well. 

Thank you, take care and and have a great week! 

I’m still here…I just fell back down the rabbit hole.

I’ve become one of those bloggers…one of those writers who I found by chance, who piqued my interest by the way they wrote and who I soon became a fan of, either because I felt a connection with them, was curious about what they were up to next or because they had something to share that I could learn from.

And then suddenly they didn’t have as much to say, or they became consumed with a new project, or life just took over and they were too busy with a new job, new house, new baby, a business venture, death, divorce…you name it. 

We all stumble or fall; sometimes we only stumble over a pebble while other times we take a face plant off a boulder. Or even worse, it could be one huge boulder after another, making it harder to climb out of the rabbit hole our lives can sometimes throw us into. 

That’s pretty much where I am right now.

This has been one of the most trying years of my entire adult life. No question. I’ve dealt with some trying years in the past, but this one has hit me the hardest. My dad’s death was obviously very difficult for me and, while time does heal most wounds, it’s much easier to heal from those wounds when you aren’t also dealing with other serious matters.

And that’s where my silence the past few months has stemmed from. After my last post, two months ago now, I learned that not one, but two loved ones had been diagnosed with serious, life-threatening illnesses. It was a punch in the gut back-to-back when I haven’t yet caught my breath from the last gut shot.

So I understand why some of the writers I follow might become too busy or distracted to share their thoughts on their blog, or Facebook, or whatever social media voice they prefer to communicate with. What consumes them is too big or personal to share with others or when they make an attempt to post anything at all, it’s very difficult to come up with any subject beyond what has invaded their thoughts day and night.

I don’t offer this information to excuse my lack of writing, gain sympathy or appeal for understanding with regard to my silence; although I admit it has helped me gain a better understanding when it comes to the writers I follow. I offer this update to show those who follow me, or who check my blog and wonder where the heck I am, that I’m still here and that I do appreciate those who do care to follow me.  

At some time or another, we all fall down our own version of the rabbit hole...the trick is finding our way out and hopefully learning a thing or two about ourselves in the process. I agree with the character of Alice in Alice in Wonderland that, “It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change.” But we often learn more about ourselves during the most difficult situations and even if it doesn’t seem likely at the time, it also helps to believe in this possibility:

“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.”  ~Author Unknown~ 

Until next time. Take care and find the joy in each day.

Making a list and checking it twice

I know…it’s not the holidays but lists to me are a part of life and lately, I need them more than ever to try to stay on track.  Even more than that, I need a running list so that on a monthly, quarterly and yearly basis, I don’t forget what it is I need to do as I continue to release new books.  There are so many little details that can easily be forgotten and even though I’ve released four books so far, all those little details can still be difficult to remember. 

I realized this a few weeks ago when I was checking on my stats on Amazon and discovered that my paperback and eBook for Ties That Bind had not been linked so that a reader would immediately see both options are available.  Instead, they would have to actually look the formats up separately to find them!  That’s not supposed to happen, they should always be linked together but what I forgot is that I have to actually request that they be linked together.  It doesn’t just automatically happen. 

And I know I have that little tidbit on a list somewhere…problem is, over the years I’ve made a number of lists and if I’m not looking at the right one, well then, I can make a mistake by forgetting important details like that.

So last weekend and the weekend before, I went through all the many folders I’ve compiled over the past three years relating to writing, marketing and promotion, publication, motivation and time management. 

I can’t believe all material I’ve compiled over the years!

I still have some organizing to do with my lists but eventually I will have a final detailed list of what I could or should be doing from beginning to end as I move on with each new project.  Eventually, I’d like to share all the lists I’ve made so that hopefully others can use them if it will benefit them with their own work.

I’ve been working on three different projects lately and some days it’s good to have the variety but other days, my head can feel like it’s swimming with too many characters and details.  If this were a regular season for me, that wouldn’t be a bad thing, but this is not a regular season due to the grief I’ve been trying to manage so I finally had to come to a decision to pick one project and stick with it.  I had already started the fourth book in the Jorja Matthews mystery series before I began the new young adult novel during Camp NaNo in April and before that, I had already completed a short story last year that just needs to be edited, revised with edits and gifted with a nice cover. 

Obviously, it makes sense to finish and publish the book that’s already complete so I’m going to manage my time around the short story first.  My short ghost story, 1313 Psycho Path, was around 13,000 words.  My latest short story, which at this time is simply titled 1111 (as in, eleven-eleven), is actually twice as long and not a ghost story, but about a woman trying to deal with a difficult marriage while also grieving the loss of her young son.  Or maybe 1313 is a novelette and my newest short is actually a novella… depends on who you ask, I suppose.  But as with all my stories, there is a twist in 1111 and the characters surprised me with an ending I hadn’t expected.  That’s always the fun part for me and it makes publishing my work for others to read even more fun.

So I will focus on finishing up the book that’s just itching to get out there.  Tomorrow is a new day and the beginning of a new month so for now, June will be focused on finishing up 1111, getting it published and then moving forward with the other novels.  That’s not to say I won’t cheat and add to my novels if inspiration (or characters) speaks to me, but that’s what’s so great about being an author…you don’t have to limit yourself if you really don’t want to. 

After all, “The only limits you have are the limits you believe.”  ~Wayne Dyer~ 

Have a great week! 

Why’s it so dark? Because my head is back in the sand!

It’s amazing to me how impossible even the smallest tasks can be when you’re fighting thoughts and emotions you can’t quite explain or even want to deal with.  It’s a battle that’s both exhausting and mentally time-consuming.  Blogging is usually more of a medium-sized task, but the past few months it has become a large chore only because I have such a hard time expressing what I’m dealing with as I continue to remain on task with my writing.  Lately, when I am able to make the time to blog, I feel I’m writing more about why I’m not writing than what I’m writing about.

Last month finally proved productive and even though I had a slump due to the criminal trial involving my dad’s death, I did very well in accomplishing the major feat of reaching my writing goal of 30,000 words during Camp NaNo.  Considering my time spent writing for Camp NaNo, rolled in with the emotions I was dealing with during the trial, as well as a writing conference, a busy birthday weekend and a month-long journaling and photo challenge, I’m quite amazed with myself for what I was able to accomplish during the month of April.

And then…the month of May rolled around and my writing routine, my blogging and even my regular time journaling took another hit.  Today, I feel like I finally woke up…or rather, I finally pulled my head out of the sand, and now, I’m glaring at the calendar after realizing half the month is already gone. 

What the heck happened?  What have I been doing for the past 16 days? 

That’s the problem with grief, heartbreak, stress, depression, illness, or whatever might be ailing someone during a difficult time in their life…sometimes it’s so much easier to hide in the safety of darkness, in an attempt to ward off all the terrible thoughts, complex emotions, ugly details and awful truths.  So much easier.

But there’s a real problem with hiding in the safety of that darkness; instead of working through the grief, heartbreak, stress, depression or illness, you’re left swimming in all the negativity involved with the circumstance.  And the deeper you dig yourself into the darkness, the harder it can be to find your way out. 

Oh, this is getting heavy.  I know.  But for anyone who has dealt with an extremely difficult time in their lives, I’m sure you understand just what it takes to dig yourself out in order to finally get back to living life to the fullest extent possible.

So what caused me to finally focus on the date today?  What made me realize I’d buried my head right back in the sand again? 

Honestly, it was from taking part in a women’s conference last night.  Not an on line course…that would be so much easier when I would just rather not socialize right now.  No, I finally agreed to make my unsociable self available to actually attend a live event.  The theme of the event is what finally woke me up because it was about being brave and to remind us how unique and unstoppable women can be (and should be!). 

Why did this theme affect me so much? 

Because I was reminded that I am brave, I am unique and no matter what life throws at me, I should remain unstoppable.  I was very brave when I finally decided to put the stories in my head down on paper and actually publish them.  I was even more courageous when I finally shared my dreams with family, friends and anyone who might care on the World Wide Web.  I am unique because the stories and characters born from my imagination are my own creation and, based on the wonderful feedback over the past few years, my books are enjoyed by many readers.  I am unstoppable because I have continued to resist the urge to quit even though writing and publishing will always be an uphill climb.  Why?  Because I absolutely love to write and I take pleasure in sharing my stories with others.

Now that my head is out of the sand, I see I’m at another fork in the road and I’m going to choose the direction that will move me forward again.  I will likely hit another bump in the road, or another fork that forces me to re-evaluate things, but I as long as I remember to remain brave and continue to believe in myself, I will hold on to my title as unique and unstoppable. 

Is anyone else going through a difficult time?  Dumb question, as many are, I’m sure.  Whether my experiences and what I share help others or not, I truly do appreciate the fact that I can continue to express myself as I continue to work through things.  And if anything I say gives someone a little push to work their way out of their own difficulties, I’ll call it a very good day. 

Take care and stay courageous.

When your life feels like a Lifetime movie

I like Lifetime movies…some of them anyway, so don’t get me wrong.  But lately, what I and my family have been going through the past few months has been so surreal, I sometimes feel like I’m watching or taking part in a Lifetime movie.

And I guess I'm still waiting for the happy ending.

I ended up taking a long break from writing for about ten days this month, from the 15th through yesterday.  Now, my reasons are all pretty solid…I’m working the day job, took part in an on-line writing conference from the 15th through the 17th, and spent my birthday weekend combing the beach, visiting seaside towns, attending a wedding, hanging out with friends and taking a chance on long shots at the horse races.  While I did my best to push down the guilt of not getting in my word count, my birthday weekend was some much-needed time away and I enjoyed every minute of it.

This past week I could have easily made up for the days I missed writing except that an event occurred which nothing in the world would keep me from missing.  I’ve shared very little about the incident surrounding my dad’s death and I don’t know if there ever will be a time when that subject is something I’ll feel I can freely speak about.  It’s just too raw and too emotional to share right now, as the loss of my dad has affected me and my family in ways I still can’t comprehend.  But this past week we were finally able to close one more door in our attempt at moving towards healing and while nothing will ever bring my dad back, I feel a little better knowing the person responsible for his death will not be able to heave another family into such a tragic set of circumstances.

Sometimes the difficulties we face in life do leave us feeling as if we’re stranded in some Lifetime movie.  The way of getting through the tough times is to take care of ourselves and try to find time to focus on what might give us rest or raise our spirits, if even for a little while. 

And sometimes, that’s difficult to do. 

You can freeze a movie on television to take a snack break but it’s certainly more difficult to freeze life if what you need is time to catch your breath.  The trick for me that I’m still learning is not to be so hard on myself when I have to make a choice that results in both a positive and a negative.  During my birthday weekend, I had to choose between giving myself that much needed time to catch my breath or spend the weekend at home writing to reach my word count.  I knew that the weekend away would screw up my word count, especially when the following week would involve even more pressing family matters.  However, while I love to write and I’m doing my best to focus on my goals, I also know that setting aside time to unwind is good for the soul and is especially important during the most difficult of times.   

Until yesterday, I honestly hadn’t realized that I spent so little time writing during those ten days but due to everything else I had going on, my writing (except for journaling) had to take a back seat.  Even if I had made a small attempt at writing during this past week, I just didn’t have the emotional energy to focus on anything other than the case surrounding my dad’s death.  The fact that Camp NaNo is continuing with or without me and will end only four days from today meant that when I finally got back to my novel yesterday morning, I was a little disappointed in myself for getting so behind in my word count.  But then, writers tend to easily disappoint themselves, even if everyone else continues to believe what they do is amazing.

So what did I do? 

I broke out of the fog I’d been in for over a week, dusted off my keyboard and read over the last chapter in my novel.  This novel has been enjoyable to write so it didn’t take long for me to get back into the story and for the characters to get back into my head.  Then I began to write…and I continued to write all afternoon and into the early evening.  I took a break here and there but by the end of the day, I’d added over 5,300 words to my novel and if it weren’t for the pain I was beginning to feel in my back and shoulder blades, I could have added more.  What I accomplished yesterday doesn’t make up for 10 days of big fat zeroes, but it’s a good effort and leaves me a manageable word count requirement for the next few days.

In addition, the results from yesterday remind me that time spent replenishing my soul also feeds the source of my creativity and ultimately, gives me the focus and energy I need to take on even the toughest tasks.  Right now, my toughest task is to complete Camp NaNo with the word count I committed myself to…so I guess it’s time to get back to it!

F.E.A.R…to Face Everything And Rise

This was a busy week for me, not only with work and my personal life but also with my writing.  Considering that my schedule was all over the place, I impressed myself with the fact that I was able to maintain my word count by the end of the week so that I have continued to add an average of 1,000 words a day to my new novel.

It would appear my ability to remain focused has finally returned.

And I intend to keep at it.

That’s no small feat, considering the difficult time I’ve had with focusing lately.  But sometimes what it takes is finally just jumping in and hoping for the best.  I saw a quote recently, I believe by Zig Ziglar, which said: 

“F.E.A.R. has two meanings…

Forget Everything And Run

or

Face Everything And Rise. 

The choice is yours.”

I finally had to force myself to make the choice to face my fears when I realized after three months that I still wasn’t getting anywhere with my writing.  It’s why I joined Camp NaNo and committed myself to at least 30,000 words for the month.  It’s also why I joined another challenge involving journaling and photography so that I could continue to express myself creatively and use it as a means to continue to heal. 

Some days are easier than others when it comes to making time to write, but when I have been able to get in a good chunk of time to work on my new book, the results have been very satisfying.  I’m relieved by the notion that each day will continue to get easier and that also means that each day will allow me to move forward to meet my writing goals.  

I’m also pleased to have characters talking to me again.  J

My first full week in April has provided me with more confidence as I forge ahead and I eagerly look forward to what I will accomplish by the end of the month.  Next week I have a difficult hurdle to cross so it might not be the best week as far as productivity goes, but I will do what I can as I’m able, knowing the last two weeks of the month will leave me with plenty of days to make up for lost time. 

And I will remember the wise words behind the meaning of the word “fear” so that I’ll continue to make choices that will allow me to rise rather than cause me to run. 

April is proving to be productive

We’re only into day five of April, and Happy Easter by the way, but even after only five days, I’m feeling pretty good about my creative progress so far.

I began Camp NaNo on Wednesday and after committing to 30,000 words for the month of April, I was able to get 1,500 tackled by the time I finally had to tear myself away from the computer and get to bed.  That’s after I’d already worked a full day and spent a little time with the family before I hid away in my office for the remainder of the evening. 

The fact that I should be writing an average of 1,000 words every day isn’t very difficult.  It’s just that I know I might not get to write every single day considering other factors that will come up during the month so I was very pleased with myself for doing so well the first day.  Thursday and Friday were off days…that didn’t take long did it?  But my excuse is a late parent-teacher conference on Thursday and time spent with my family on Friday evening.

I made it up yesterday, though.  I took on the bare minimum of household chores I knew I couldn’t put off and then I got to work on my book.  After a couple of hours I had another 2,500 words added to my word count.  When I realized I had reached 4,000 words, I took a much-deserved break and spent a couple hours outside in the sun, but afterwards I was still able to add about another 1,000 words to my word count before I finally called it a day.  It felt great.  Not just the number of words, although I’m happy about that, but what felt great was that I was already beginning to feel drawn into the story through my characters.  Due to the timing and the fact that I’m working in a completely different genre, I thought I’d have to work harder at it this time to hear what the characters had to say.  But it happened much sooner than I expected. I love it when that begins to take place because I know the characters are going to help me move the story along and I look forward to what happens when the characters begin to surprise me. 

It’s a good thing I put in that little extra work yesterday because today was spent with family for the Easter holiday and I haven’t had any real time to write.  Even so, I’m pleased with my word count after the first five days of camp.  I’m at just under 5,000 in five days, so at this point, I’m right on track with my word count goal.

You’d think taking part in Camp NaNo might be enough for me right now but I also decided to take part in another challenge during the month of April.  This challenge is easy in that I can do what I want, when I want, but I’m trying to take in all that’s being offered because it’s come to me at the perfect time as I try to sort out my thoughts.  The daily reflections and photo prompts provide inspiration and help me focus on some much-needed attention when it comes to my mind, body and soul.  I’ve really enjoyed the challenge so far.

I’m also posting again only a week later than my last post, so the beginning of April has proven to be a productive one.  This is a step in the right direction as I continue to get back into the grove of staying focused on not only what I want to do, but what I need to do to plow through the field of grief I’ve been stuck in for the past few months.  Any movement forward is good, whether it includes baby steps or great big leaps.  I’m happy either way.  With the progress I’ve made so far, I’m now even more excited to move into my second week of challenges. 

I’ll try to post an update with the progress I’ve made again next weekend.  Have a great week!